Dr. Susan Giurleo

Last week, my very good friend, Michael Langlois reminded me that I had not posted on this blog for over a month.

Thanks, Mike, for that awesome reminder that it looks like I am slacking over here. (Mike didn’t mean it that way..I don’t think…).

Anyway, since my poor organizational skills screwed up a meeting I had with Mike today, I was INSPIRED to write a post about the process of change. Because I blame that process for why my blog has been so quiet. So there.

All Growth = Change

If you are a parent, or even if you ever had a puppy or kitten, you know that when little things grow, they change.

I see this daily with my son. A month ago, he was a resistant reader, this week he’s asking the reading teacher for more strategies to read better. Huh. He’s also gained 60 lbs and grown 42 inches since he was born, too.

And we know that all of this growth isn’t smooth sailing. There have been tantrums, setbacks, frustrations and general disgruntlement as we all navigate his growth. There will be lots more of that fun stuff to come as he heads into adolescence as well. Yay.

So with people (and furbabies) we understand and navigate  a lot of growing pains.

Your Business is Growing–Ouch!

The same growing pains exist in our businesses, too.  The reality is we, as business owners, need to stretch and change as our business grows and it isn’t always smooth and it isn’t always pretty.

I talk to a lot of small business owners and each and EVERY ONE has a growing pains journey they have gone through. Trust me. Even those business “gurus” you see online have hit bumps. Some REALLY big bumps. Growing. Not easy.

Yet, we all put that good face forward, projecting the image of perfect business nirvana. We want to believe all of those smiling testimonials on everyone’s sales page, “This program changed my LIFE! I’m making so much more money!”

Which probably is true, but what they aren’t saying is,

“This program changed my life. I work with more focus and intensity and this scares the crap out of me. But it’s totally worth it because I make so much more money!”

A-ha!! Read that sentence up there again.  That’s it folks. Information is important, working hard is part of the success, but it’s the people who can ride the EMOTIONAL roller coaster of building a business who will ultimately succeed.

And don’t be shocked, but lots of people give up their dream because they can’t cope with the emotional crap that comes with the territory.

Which is ok. Sometimes we have other stuff going on and taking on business anxiety is just not right for us.

And that means you need to examine your priorities and realities when change and growth challenges your emotional equilibrium.

Sometimes the reality is, you are anxious because you hate change, or things feel very unsettled internally and externally (maybe your website design isn’t coming along on schedule, for example. Not that I know anything about that personally).

But you need to gut check that internal feeling with reality. Are things really chaotic, crazy and out of control? Or do you just feel that way because the $%#@ website isn’t getting designed (again, this is just a hypothetical situation).

However, sometimes your anxiety is because you don’t have enough money in the bank to pay your rent. In that case your reality dictates that you should make business decisions that allow you to maintain your basic living conditions. And that might mean keeping your day job (or finding a day job).

Coping = No Blueprint

People love to buy “blueprints.” Or “systems.” We love the idea that someone can bundle up their success into a manageable whole and sell it to us to copy, paste and voila! money, success and fame are ours!

We invest in systems and blueprints to manage our anxiety about the unknown.

We think,”If Million Dollar Molly make it work with her blueprint, then I can learn from her and not feel so anxious and unsure.”

What Molly leaves out of her blueprint are the panic attacks at 3 AM. (Remember we ALL have them. Emotions are not a character flaw…)

So we start to follow the blueprint, we start to grow and change, we get anxious, can’t sleep, cry on a Saturday night and we feel like a loser. Because (we think to ourselves) if we can’t follow a damn (expensive) blueprint and not make this easy transition, we must be doing something wrong!

When the truth is if you are anxious, can’t sleep and occasionally cry on a Saturday night you are actually doing something RIGHT!!

You are growing, you are changing, you are stretching out of your comfort zone. Yay growth! Yay change! Yay discomfort! This means good things are happening…

And just like babies fall down 1000 times before they run on their chubby little legs, so you will struggle to make these big changes in your life.

The good news is you can choose to cope with change and growth. You can choose to be patient with yourself, not call yourself bad names for getting scared once in awhile. You can choose to take a day off to regroup, take a walk, eat something healthy (dark chocolate counts as healthy). You can choose to talk to a friend, hire a coach, and cope your little tushy off.

Or you can stop what you’re doing and get back into your comfort zone (which is totally FINE, too!).

But there is no blueprint. What works for me will not ever work for you…So you need to cope with that reality, too. No blueprint means you kinda have to make it up as you go along.

Damn it, this stuff is hard, but it doesn’t kill you. It doesn’t have to break you down.

What it will do is test your patience and the conviction of your passions and values. If you really want whatever you are building, you will stick it out.

Now I am off to take a walk, eat vegetable soup and celebrate the fact that I finally found a very cool web designer and a lawyer who understands online business, all in one day — tonight I will sleep well….But I may cry on Saturday, who knows? : )

If you liked this post, more like it will be coming. Feel free to sign up below to get updates as this blog evolves and develops and we talk more about business growth and being human…

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A few weeks ago I announced that changes are coming to my business.

I’ve been working hard behind the scenes trying to move things along and find myself getting stuck.

A lot of the stuck is due to trying to keep up with the things I do for free– this blog and my newsletter, are just two examples.

It looks like this: I have great ideas to develop new content and products, but then realize I have a blog post or newsletter due and have to write those. Then I run out of time or get tired (I can only focus for so long) and never get to do the new things.  I get stuck in a perpetual cycle of doing free work that doesn’t move me toward anything new or income generating.  Not good.

So I am going to put this blog and my newsletter on hiatus until I can get the new stuff ready to go.

I expect the break won’t be too long. Maybe until the beginning of May.

Then I’ll be able to tell you all about my Biz Savvy Therapist Sale (everything must go!) and hopefully my new blog design will be ready to unveil.

If you will just miss me too much, you can always join us over on Facebook, where we have some great conversations about small business building and work-life balance.

Until May, please know I have not forgotten you. I’m just working on making something better for you!

Happy Spring!!

Did you know that more people fear public speaking than death?

I think that is because we all know what social failure feels like. We don’t know what death is like personally.

We fear what we experienced as bad in the past.

And in the past we all have had the experience of someone laughing at us. It feels really awful and like you want to die, but luckily that wish doesn’t come true. But it still feels like crap.

Big Dreams Aren’t  Funny

People with big dreams and innovative plans challenge the status quo.

Unintentionally, your creative stuff steps on other people’s toes and bends their noses out of shape.

They laugh at you because they are pissed that:

• They didn’t have the idea first
• You are making them look bad because they don’t want to innovate
• You appear smarter than them because you see the world from a different perspective and are problem solving things they only complain about
• You are no longer a whiner, making them look stupid when they whine
• They have no idea what you are talking about, so belittle it to sound more important

Given that all of those reasons for disliking your optimism and great ideas look mean-spirited and childish, they can’t say them out loud, so they laugh at you.

“Hahaha, what a great idea. Too bad no one wants to work with a ‘world changing’ coach.”

“Ha! Wow, that is so cute that you are passionate about how Twitter can be used as a health care education tool.” [Actual quote, yours truly had to field at a board association meeting. You really can't make this stuff up.]

“That sounds like a lot of work. Almost seems funny to think you’d consider blogging as a way to make money.”

How Does this Make You Feel?

As a psychologist, I feel compelled to talk about the feels side of this before getting to the ‘what to do about it’ parts.

Speaking for myself, I feel humiliated when people laugh at my ideas. It churns up bad memories of high school dances and being rejected for being me in a million little ways throughout my life. It makes me second guess my ideas and plans and it kills my drive. I want to FIT IN and BE LIKED. I don’t want to be the butt of someone’s joke.

Then I feel angry. Like deep down, bordering on rage, angry. Who are they to laugh at me and my ideas?! What the hell do they know?? I put aside their words and focus in on their intent. They were (consciously or not) trying to hurt me.

I vent and process and simmer and stew. This is no fun.

I replay my idea over and over again. Try to figure out how to do it without getting laughed at. And the solution always comes back to playing it safe and fitting in and looking like everyone else.

Which brings me back to my marketing training that tells me that blending in and building a business are not good bed fellows. Standing out is what makes a business grow.

A-HA!

Standing out is what builds business. Being different is part of the necessary process. If people laugh it means your idea is differnt and hitting  a nerve. If everyone just yawned and said, ‘that’s nice.’ You’d have an easier time fitting in with the crowd, a much harder time building a business.

Some people will laugh at innovation and change. They are the ones who will struggle in the future as change whips by and leaves their cynicism in the dust. Just accept that sometimes you will get negative feedback.

Here is what you do when people laugh at you

Smile and nod.

Get away from them.

Acknowledge your feelings. You will feel lots of yucky stuff. It’s ok and normal. Crying and swearing are allowed (just no swearing at the person).

Put things into YOUR perspective. You know their opinion. They are not you or your ideal client. Regroup and ground yourself to your reality and business plan.

Respond if you must or feel compelled due to the context of the interaction (i.e. they called you out in a blog, undermined your authority as a supervisor, etc.). In most cases I do not respond to those who laugh. I let them sit with their feelings of being ignored by someone they tried to belittle. They can take that up with their therapist if necessary.

Put your head up high and move forward.

But What if they Are Right?!

We all have doubts and the Negative Nellies of the world will poke their stick into those and stir up trouble. It is fine to re-examine your plan in light of feedback. However, people who offer snarky, cynical, passive aggressive feedback are not worth your attention. They are not right. If they laugh at you, they are a jerk. Get away from them.

If they care about you and the success of your idea they will have a respectful conversation with you voicing their opinion and concerns. Listen to people who offer constructive feedback. They may not be right in their opinion, but they respect you.

World changing, business building, being authentic and ethical….these are ideals lots of people talk about, but few take real action towards. Being a change agent and leader isn’t for those who have a desperate need to fit in.

My approach is to surround myself with other innovators. In that group, I do fit in : ). How about you? Are you with me?

Photo credit: John Cooper

Back in the day (waaay back) when I would go out with friends to clubs and bars in the city, we were always confronted by the velvet rope. The bouncer stands on one side of the velvet rope and decides who gets into the club and who does not. I’m not exactly sure how these decisions were made, but it was clear that some people got in and others were out of luck.

Your business needs a velvet rope too. There are some clients you should work with, and some you should not. Only the right people should be able to get by your velvet rope, all others need to stand outside. [ And, of course, you will offer them some sort of referral to find a more appropriate person to help them.]

The Velvet Rope of World Changing

My new velvet rope is the perception that you and your business can change the world for the better.

Specifically, if you believe your business and contribution can change the world, we will work well together.

If you think your business is just a business, or if you are cynical about world changing we will not work well together.

That is all there is to it.

I listened to cynics

About a year ago I had the idea of building a coaching/consulting business around the idea of mentoring people who want to change the world.

Many people told me this was a bad idea.

They told me that world changing is too idealistic, people don’t want to work that hard, it’s naive and childish.

Now a year later, I am listening to myself and my right clients and to the cynics I say, “You are wrong!”

In my way of thinking, if you are going to build a business that doesn’t initiate any change, you are giving away your power, dismissing your gifts, letting down those that could really use your genius. What a sad waste.

And I don’t want to work with you if you won’t do the work it takes to make the world a better place.

My gift is passion and optimism combined with sassy  hard core business advice.

If you don’t want that mix of cheerleader and bootcamp coach, I’m not for you.

And I am 100% ok with the fact that some people will choose to stand outside of my velvet ropes.

World Changing = 1

Some people get freaked out when I ask them if they want to change the world. It sounds too big.

But if you help 1 person to live a better, happier, healthier life today, you are changing the world.

If you help a child learn to read, climb a tree, enjoy a good orange you are changing the world.

If you grow healthy food, treat animals humanely, keep pesticides out of our drinking water, you are changing the world.

If your art hangs in a school, makes people think, creates smiles and giggles, you are changing the world.

See where I’m going here?

If not us, who?

The world is changing, whether we consciously join in that process or not.

For everything that irks you about the ‘way things are,’ you have some power to influence it one way or another.

I’m rooting for everyone doing positive stuff. Bringing on good change. Making the world a better place.

If you want to grow your business and change the world, come on in!

Tell me in the comments–how are YOU and your business changing the world?

Photo credit: New York Nights

Is it me, or are there seemingly more people  out there trying to make a quick buck on tell you how to do a helping business?

I see a lot of coaches for therapists and people who have tag lines like “Help More People. Make More Money..”

And that is cool until you scratch the surface and notice that some of what they are offering isn’t so ethical.

Maybe they are teaching you to poach emails to build a list, rather than let it grow organically with people who really want to get to know you.

Or maybe they sell the dream that ANYONE can have a full fee health care practice in a down economy.

Possibly they charge you high 5 figures for a coaching program with no evidence that they themselves make the money that would justify those rates.

Some of that stuff just doesn’t pass the smell test in my book. Some of it may be unethical. (Taking emails without permission is illegal, just so you know.)

So I’d like to propose an alternative. I call it:

Radical Ethical Awesomeness

Here’s the thing. If you are good at what you do, get people results, make their life better, you don’t have to sneak around, telling white lies, grabbing emails and spamming people to grow your business.

We ALL know sneaky creeps who game the marketing system. You and I have received their spam and hype. Sometimes they start out sounding legitimate and ethical and then seem to slip down into the same place as the other of marketers who find ways to justify cutting corners.

More common, are really nice people who listen to less than ethical marketers and apply that advice to detrimental effect. Almost daily I get a spam email newsletter from a mental health professional trying to build their practice. Do I think they are a creep? No. I think they are making a mistake and maybe tuning in to the wrong advice. Nonetheless, they are setting themselves up for little success (at best) and a possible FCC lawsuit (at worse).

So the way to be successful and stand out is to do the opposite of everyone else

Be radically ethical. Insist on wholly permission-based marketing.  Do awesome work. Be great and easy to do business with. Treat everyone with respect. Honor people’s trust in you. Give as much to 10 people on your email list as you would to a group of 10,000.

And, remarkably, you stand out as a better option  than the other hoards of folks all doing the slightly sleazy marketing dance. So by just being cool, and kind and respectful you are unique and noteworthy. And people will spend money to work with you because you are nice.  Wild, huh?

What’s the catch? Why doesn’t everyone do this ethically?

There is kind of a catch and it is this. When we go all ethical and by the marketing rules of kindness and respect, it takes us longer to build a big list, reach a lot of people, get the buzz going. Why does it take longer?  Because your competition slams you into the boards with their quick-fix promises and flashy, slick presentation. And they do make money that way. They stun people with their tight message and glossy website and we buy their story because we like pretty things. [or maybe that was just me...?]

BUT….sooner or later their customers get wise to the game. They buy a product or join a program and it doesn’t measure up to the hype and they feel had.

But they still need help.

So they search for someone or something they can trust.

Oh, it’s about trust!?

Eventually, after a frustrating search through the wilds of marketing hype, they find you being ethical and good to work with. And they love you and they stick around and they pay you for years, tell their friends about you and send referrals left and right.

Ahhh, these are your ideal clients. They are your raving fans. They get great results and see the value in your honest, nice, kind marketing and business.

Radical Ethical Awesomeness builds thriving businesses. Because when you treat people well and not like a number in your marketing funnel, people REALLY trust you.

So while the flashy, spammy marketing types have to spend loads of time, money and a little bit of their soul on trying to find new marks to hit with their flash and sorta shady approach. YOU get the joy of doing real, deep  meaningful work with your right clients.  Over time these relationships deepen and people are happy to pay you for what you offer, not pissed that you spammed them.

And when people stick around you have to do less work to find new clients to fill your business. I’d rather invest in building solid, meaningful business relationships with a few folks who work with me, then send me referrals,  then to have to continually convince new people to trust me and cycle them in and out of my business every few months. That would be exhausting to me.

So be radical by being ethical. Do awesome work. Help people make real progress without a lot of shenanigans.   It may be old fashioned and sorta nerdy to do the right thing. But it makes good business sense AND you sleep well at night…

Photo credit: Michel Truex